UNDOING REGRETS

I am falling freely with my back facing the ground and my face fixed on the man crying out for me on the top of the light house. I lost control. He screamed, “I am sorry, I love you, don’t do it.” A figure barged out. I heard the door flying open. I prepared myself to let go. I was standing on the edge of the light house, my heels protruding out of the edge.

I thought of the accusations. I was wiping off my heavy tears as I struggled to climb the last few steps. I was mourning. I started climbing. I looked up to find a never ending stairway. I made my way against the unkind wind to the door. I slammed the door of my Scorpio shut. I pulled the breaks left the head lights on and hurried out. I rode full speed towards the beach. I took a sharp turn on the straight road from my villa. I left the house, brushing my fingers against the name plate on the gate which read – Radhika Venkat. My clothes drenched with my tears. I fell to the maroon carpet. I recollected that he never flayed a hand on me all these years of our marriage. He never asked me anything, never an explanation for my actions. I was quiet. I dint want to explain anything. I dint have anything to show in my defense. He confronted me. He asked “WHY? Tell me why you did it? In what way have I not fulfilled you wishes? Why did you cheat me?” He got up from the dinner table and said, “I know!” I was serving dinner at 8:30 p.m. as always.

I regret what I have done. I know I have made the mistake of cheating a perfect husband. I don’t deserve him, but he can forgive me and start over. The pain I can see on his face now makes me regret what I have done. I want to go back and undo it all. I feel a splurge of pain.